


What Hurts The Most

by soapficgal



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 01:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soapficgal/pseuds/soapficgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brady and Nicole find their way to one another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Hurts The Most

  
**What Hurts The Most**

 

****_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out  


 

Falling in love with Nicole was the easy part. It was always so simple in the beginning when things were fresh and new. Yes, they would usually begin with the same wild flirtations and well versed protests, but it always ended up in the same place. Brady would wake up in a hotel room with Nicole at his side naked and satisfied in more ways than he cared to admit to in being close to her. He was an addict and she was his drug of choice. He knew that for months. He’d realized it long before he returned to Salem. All thoughts had lead back to her. They always did. In rehab she was the one thing that couldn’t escape him. She was the one regret that played in his mind over and over again, which made him often wonder why they couldn’t make it work this time around. Things seemed more solid--stronger, but ultimately they’d failed.

“Because you were an idiot who didn’t fight for her yet again,” the inner voice reminded him.

Brady sighed wanting to deny the validity behind that voice he’d fought to ignore, but not even bourbon could drown it out tonight. With the rain he’d taken refuge from the storm at the bar. It had become his new home away from home lately now that nothing felt right without her. Yes, he’d been angry and hurting. He’d been cruel and cold to Nicole, but deep down the only one he could truly blame for his actions was himself. He’d practically pushed her back into EJ’s arms with his inability to battle for her heart and now all that he was left with were two unsettling thoughts fading memories of a time when he felt at peace with real love in his life and the promise of a future full of regrets.

 

 

****_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though_  
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me  


 

Nicole walked around the pier despite the storm that surrounded her. Her life was the epitome of misery especially now that she’d tried and failed to keep EJ and Taylor from one another. While she’d believed she was holding all the cards in punishing them for their betrayal, she was the real loser in the end. She’d walked away from the one man she’d truly loved to have Sydney back in her life and it had blown up in her face. EJ had not only given her a taste of what it could be like to be Sydney’s mother again, but he’d also slapped her hard with the reality that he would never see her as anything more than a pawn in his cruel, hateful games against Sami. She’d wanted to deceive herself into thinking there was much more between them, but as always she’d painted this picture perfect family in her mind that wasn’t meant to be. EJ had never held her heart, but she’d deceived herself into believing he could make her happy. Hell, she’d almost convinced herself that they could make a real go at a life together, but it wasn’t until she saw him with Taylor that she felt the weight of her delusions overtake her.

Closing her eyes Nicole thought of the power she held over EJ. Yes, he may stay her husband by force. He would break her sister’s heart, but in the end he wouldn’t allow Nicole happiness. He would find a way to make her miserable and in the end, she would wind up where she was before alone and hurting without the one thing she craved the most in this world--a family. She’d lost her mother, her sister and now the husband who had played her to every beat of his plan to destroy his ex. Life was unraveling right before her eyes and the only comfort she found was in the idea of running into Brady’s arms. Unfortunately Brady would have none of her after she’d hurt him in choosing Sydney over his love for her.

“You’ve made your decision Nicole, so live with it. We’re over,” she could still recall the bitter sting of Brady’s words upon her heart. “You have what you want in your life, so stay the hell out of mine.”

“Oh Brady,” Nicole sighed dropping down on the bench near the water knowing in her heart that his words were the furthest from the truth in her heart.

 

****__  
What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away 

****_And never knowin'_  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  


 

Brady sat at the bar finishing off his drink knowing only too well that another round wouldn’t banish thoughts of her from his mind. The bitter taste of the alcohol wouldn’t erase the taste of her lips or the way she felt in his arms. The more he tried to deny his heart, the harder he found himself hitting the wall returning to the one place he vowed to never enter into again.

“Please Brady,” Nicole had begged of him the last time they’d encountered one another, “don’t walk away from me. I need you.”

“You always need me Nicole,” Brady had pushed her away, refusing to allow her to be close enough to feel the truth in his heart. He’d forced himself to meet her with cold, dead eyes knowing that pushing her away would be the only thing to save him from a life of lingering over what if, “but what about me? What about what I need Nicole?”

“Brady, I know that I hurt you, but..” she had reached for him, desperate to hold onto the man who had stood by her side--to the sucker who would time and time again risk it all to make her dreams come true. She wanted that man who had turned a blind eye to all of her sins and loved her unconditionally, but he couldn’t be that for her any longer. He couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t going to be the key to his final undoing if he invited her back inside.

“But nothing Nicole,” he had snapped defensively, “we’re over. Get it through your head that I don’t love you. I never did…”

Even now those words haunted him because he knew they’d been a lie. They’d been a bluff to protect his heart from the pain of letting her back in, but it was clear that a life without her was far worse than loving and losing her all over again.

 

****__  
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret 

 

 

Nicole kept her eyes closed feeling the memories of her time with Brady haunting her. There were so many mistakes, so many feelings that consumed her and in the end she knew that he would never take her back. She’d hurt him, perhaps wounded him deeper than she’d anticipated. Yes, maybe she’d wanted to protect him, but there was a part of her that had always feared what truly letting him in would bring to her life.

“I love you Nicole,” she could hear his voice haunting her, reminding her of how close they’d come to having it all, yet she’d picked a life with Sydney. It was all she had left in the world, but it had blown up in her face.

Sydney…

Her thoughts returned to the child she’d raised as her own--to the daughter she’d wished like hell could’ve been hers. So many times she’d tried to face reality that Sami was Sydney’s mother, but she couldn’t let go. Nicole couldn’t walk away from the what if of finally being a mother and having all the dreams that fate had told her that she couldn’t experience in her life.

“You’ll never amount to anything Nikki,” she could hear her father’s voice taunting her. “The only thing you’re good at is making me money little girl. You can be daddy’s special princess if you let go of those notions that anyone else could give you anything you need. You aren’t special to anyone, but me…”

Now with a shiver overtaking her, Nicole reopened her eyes and fought to contain the bitter tears she hated herself for shedding over the father who had used and abused her--for the mother whom she had hated for so many years for turning a blind eye to Paul Walker’s madness. She shivered in thinking about all the times she and Brandon were the recipient of her father’s rage. Her father had scarred her for life and she’d never been worthy. Deep down she’d always known that, so when Brady had walked away the first time to live a life with Chloe, she’d believed the truth in her father’s words. Brady chose someone who was better for him--someone who could make him happy unlike the worthless disaster Nicole was. He found someone special and Nicole was…

“A waste of his time,” she whispered unable to contain her tears. She thought back to how she’d plotted, schemed and manipulated the situation to keep Brady at her side, but he’d only spoke to her with hatred and distain when he and Chloe had decided to ride off into the sunset with one another. He was living out his happy ending and Nicole would be no part of it. She’d accepted that. She’d found a second chance with EJ and pushed aside her broken heart where Brady was concerned, but then he had returned ready to begin again--to live the life with her that she’d wanted when he abandoned her to be with Chloe…

“Nicole, what are you doing out here?” she heard a voice question from the darkness. Looking up Nicole spotted Chloe standing near the edge of the pier with an umbrella over her head to keep her from the rain.

“Chloe,” Nicole wiped at her face, fighting to contain her tears, “I was just…”

“Making yourself miserable,” Chloe finished joining Nicole on the bench, “which begs the question of what you are doing out here.”

“I was just…” Nicole hesitated not knowing what to say to her friend.

“Living in a state of denial over the fact that your husband is with your sister?” Chloe questioned raising a curious brow.

“No, that’s not what…” Nicole attempted to explain herself.

“I saw them together Nicole,” Chloe admitted with a small sigh. “They weren’t even bothering to hide it when they were…”

“I don’t want to talk about EJ or Taylor right now,” Nicole turned her attention to the water beyond where she sat. “I don’t want to think about anything…”

“That isn’t stopping you from doing it,” Chloe noted taking a seat beside her friend. She brought her umbrella in over the both of them before speaking up again, “This is about Brady again, isn’t it?”

“He hates me Chloe,” Nicole lowered her head shamefully, “He won’t even talk with me.”

“That’s because he’s hurting,” Chloe frowned over at her friend, “His pride is wounded and his heart feels a bit stomped upon, but when it gets down to it…”

“He never loved me Chloe,” Nicole let out an ironic laugh, “and why would he? What in the world would I have to offer him? I mean, hell, he was with you and you were perfect for one another. I was just…”

“Don’t,” Chloe frowned over at Nicole, “don’t even go there Nicole because you and I both know…”

“…that I made you and Brady miserable. I hurt the both of you before you left Salem before and…” Nicole attempted to argue with her.

“You were just trying to get Brady and I to see the mistake we were making,” Chloe paused contemplating her words carefully. “That’s not saying what you did was right because it wasn’t, but you and I have moved past all of that. I thought you knew that I don’t hold that against you anymore or…”

“Chloe, it’s just…” Nicole bit down on her lower lip nervously, “I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are Nicole and I’m…” Chloe paused giving her friend another look, “I’m sorry too. If I knew then what I knew now I wouldn’t have tried to push Brady back into my life again. What we had was special and it will always hold a place in my heart, but it will never compare to the love he feels for you.”

“Chloe, you don’t have to say that considering that…” Nicole began to shift on the bench uneasily.

“It’s the truth Nicole,” Chloe let out an ironic laugh, “Do you have any idea how hard it was for Brady and I to be together after we left Salem? Do you have any idea what it was like trying to compete with your memory in his mind and his heart? Sure, he might have been cruel to you in our departure, but deep down I knew that you were always the one regret he felt in his heart. I could see it in his actions that he changed after he fell in love with you. He fought it for a long time and maybe that’s why things went so horribly wrong in our marriage because I knew long before he was ready to admit it. He tried to be a good husband, but at the end of the day Nicole we both knew that it was always you he wanted. It never changed and it still hasn’t.”

“Chloe, I just don’t see it. He was so angry with me and…” Nicole began desperately.

“Think of how you felt when he chose me,” Chloe blurted out with a small breath, “think of the pain you felt in knowing that Brady had decided to leave you behind.”

“It felt like the end of the world,” Nicole reflected on losing Brady the first time. “I felt like my one shot at happily ever after was passing me by.”

“Then how could you expect him to feel anything less when you left him to be with EJ? Regardless of what your motivation was you chose EJ all over again. You left him behind and he’s doing his best to face that, but his heart is shattered,” Chloe continued in an impassioned voice, “He loves you Nicole and it’s destroying him to be without you. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

“I’m miserable without him too Chloe,” Nicole confessed turning her focus to the water once again. “It’s like I’m just going through the motions without him in my life.”

“So then change it,” Chloe suggested with a simple shrug of her shoulders. “Stop living a lie and find your way back into his heart Nicole. It’s not too late.”

 

 

****_But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

 

 

“We’re closing,” the bartender explained wiping his towel over the top of bar in front of the barstool Brady was perched upon, “I’m afraid I have to close down Mr. Black.”

“Just five more minutes and another round,” Brady suggested setting his empty glass down on the countertop.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” the bartender explained with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure you can make an exception,” Brady reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He set it down on top of the bar causing the bartender’s eyes to widen with surprise.

“Mr. Black I can’t just…” the bartender attempted to protest, but was silenced by the addition of a few more bills on top of the bar.

“I’ll lock up for you,” Brady suggested hoping the man wouldn’t hassle him any longer.

“Of course,” the man nodded finishing up with his task before heading to the back. “Just lock up the front when you leave.”

“Will do,” Brady replied saluting the man before looking around the bar. It was quiet--too quiet for his liking as Brady rose up from his barstool. Now with the entire bar at his disposal, he decided he would take his distractions to the next level. Reaching across the top of the bar, he hopped over it and selected a bottle of the more expensive vodka behind the bar. He’d be sure to compensate the bartender later for his troubles, but for now it would be a good companion to help him bury the memories.

“It looks like it’s just you and I tonight,” he tore the top off of the bottle before crossing the bar to check out the jukebox. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a few coins depositing them inside the machine before making a selection.

“To misery,” Brady raised the bottle in hand before taking a long, hard swig in the hopes of avoiding the memory of Nicole that held his heart captive after all this time.

“Last time I checked misery loved company,” he heard a voice explain stopping him dead in his tracks.

 

****_What hurts the most_  
Is being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(Much to say)  
And watchin' you walk away 

 

 

“This is insane,” Nicole could hear a voice inside of her head protesting her actions now that she stood across the empty bar seeing Brady standing over by the jukebox. It was clear he’d been drinking and upset, but it didn’t matter. It couldn’t prevent her from following through on what she’d intended after her talk with Chloe. Chloe had told Nicole where she could find Brady and now she had to make things right.

“What are you doing here Mrs. Dimera?” Brady questioned bitterly, his tone every bit as biting and angry as it was the last time they’d encountered one another.

“I wanted to see you,” she explained taking a small step towards him.

“And so you have,” he waved his arm out in front of him and bowed before her in a mocking gesture, “now see your way out of the bar and leave me alone.”

“No,” she replied stubbornly.

“No?” he repeated with mild amusement in his tone, “Nicole, I don’t think you’re hearing me. You aren’t welcome here.”

“Last time I checked this wasn’t your bar,” she answered defiantly making her way across the bar. She stood before a pool table in the center of the room, feeling nervous butterflies dancing in her stomach before she took a seat upon the corner of it, “and you can’t tell me what to do.”

“The hell I can’t,” Brady set his bottle down on the table beside the jukebox. “I’m supposed to be closing up and no one else can be in here when…”

“When you’re getting blitzed out of your mind?” she raised a speculative brow. “Um, last time I checked Brady it was more fun when we did this together instead of each of us drinking to oblivion on our own.”

“I don’t drink with backstabbing schemers,” he rolled his eyes at her and turned away.

“Hmm, well that explains why your social life is so boring now,” she leaned back on the table top, dangling her legs over the edge of it, “but if you want to pretend that you’re all about taking the moral high road with life, then I won’t bother you. I won’t tell you about what I know that can bury EJ once and for all.”

“Bury EJ?” Brady stopped mid-movement. He glanced over his shoulder at her, “Is this some kind of a game Nicole?”

“No games Brady,” she met his eyes in an unspoken challenge, “I want to bury him just as much as you do if not more.”

“Why?” he questioned shifting directions and approaching her, “Did he decide Sami was much more fascinating again?”

“On the contrary,” she explained drawing in a breath, “he’s sleeping with Taylor.”

“I see,” Brady searched her eyes for a long moment, “and this…”

He paused pointing between them and cracking a hint of a smile, “Is what exactly? Your way of trying to make him suffer for his betrayal?”

“Oh I have plenty ways of making him suffer,” Nicole replied sliding off of the pool table and taking a step towards him. She allowed her gaze to drop down to his lips, thinking about how good it felt to kiss him again and again in the past. Once she stood before him, she raised her chin just enough to meet his eyes again, “but this isn‘t one of them. This is about getting things back to where they always should’ve been for us.”

“Nicole,” he spoke her name when her fingernail grazed across his chest. Her fingers coiled over his shoulder, sliding up into his thick, dark hair before commanding his lips in an explicit kiss. At first she felt his resistance, could taste the lingering traces of alcohol on his breath, but before he could refuse her, his hunger betrayed him sending them both back towards the pool table she’d been previously seated upon.

“This isn’t happening,” Brady finally blurted out tearing his mouth away from hers. His eyes were divided by passion and anger with her caged beneath him against the pool table. Her arms were still surrounding his shoulders, fingers snaking tightly into his hair and twisting.

“Yes it is,” Nicole mouthed sliding upward to kiss him in all the ways she’d known to drive him wild in the past. She knew it was a gamble, but she was hoping with what Chloe had revealed to her that it would pay off. Yes, there was plenty that Nicole and Brady needed to talk about--things they needed to say, but first…there was something else that they could use to open the lines of communication between them once again.

“Damn it,” she heard Brady curse as he pulled her up off of the ground with a growl. His arms surrounded her, lips devouring the side of her neck and as she scratched her nails down over his spine she knew she had him. He was back where he should’ve been all this time even if this was only the first step in returning to where they were always meant to be.

 

****_And never knowin'_  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh  
Oh yeah 

****_What hurts the most_  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(To say)  
And watchin' you walk away 

 

Laughter bubbled over Nicole’s lips unable to repress the feeling of pure bliss that carried over her after she and Brady had made love to one another in the same wild and frantic fashion that had guided them on in their relationship. Yes, sex was always an easy opening for them, but tonight things were going to have to go beyond the physical--to return to the point that they’d gone astray with one another. They needed to get back to what was important, which meant no more hiding from one another.

“We shouldn’t have done this,” Brady sighed keeping his arm wrapped securely around her slender waist. He hugged her over his chest, squeezing her in all the ways that indicated he was protecting himself with the lies all over again to let her down and force her away from him.

“Yes we should have,” she argued, twisting her body over his. She placed her hands down on the green felt table top beneath them. Propping herself up to gaze into his lost eyes, she smiled down at him, “because you and I both know that the only time in our lives any of this makes sense is when we are together.”

“Nicole, I’m not going to…” Brady attempted to turn away from her, but she placed her hand on his cheek, preventing him from turning away.

“I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m perfect because I’m not, but I love you Brady,” she blurted out with conviction in her tone, “I always have and a part of me always will even if you choose to walk out of my life forever after tonight.”

“There’s no longer a place for me in your life Nicole. You made your choice,” he frowned placing a distance between them with his voice. “You picked EJ over me…”

“I picked Sydney,” she clarified forcing him to stay focused on her, “I chose that little girl that I love so very much because…”

“Because EJ was a more tempting offer and…” he argued with her.

“EJ was a mistake--one that I will always live to regret, but I don’t regret loving Sydney. Brady, I know that you’ll try to tell me that I’m not her mother, but you don’t see the way she looks at me. You can’t feel what it means to me when she is there and trusting me. She doesn’t see me as a failure…as someone who will hurt and disappoint her. Her love for me is unconditional because she doesn’t know how flawed I am.”

“Nicole…” he frowned up at her.

“She doesn’t know what a horrible person I am,” Nicole fought to contain her tears, “she doesn’t know to turn away from me just yet.”

“Nicole, you aren’t a horrible person…” Brady blurted out in spite of himself.

“Yes, I am and I know that I’m not worthy of a man like you Brady. I’ve known that from the moment I fell in love with you, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I could be,” she confessed behind her tears. “Believe me if I could change who I am to be what you need, then I would have a long time ago…”

“That’s just it Nicole,” Brady wrapped her up in his arms tightly, “you don’t have to change who you are to make me happy. I love you as you are. I always have. I just wish that you’d trust me enough to let me in. I wish that you’d stop lying to me and…”

“I’ve only tried to protect you,” she insisted with a frown, “I know it sounds cruel and selfish, but so many times I’ve wanted to bring you in to what I’ve been doing. I was a coward and stubborn and…Brady, I was wrong. I never should’ve let EJ play me like he did. I never should’ve given him the power to destroy us.”

“You did that when you walked away from what we had together Nicole,” he reminded her painfully. “You made the decision to leave.”

“And I was wrong. If I could take that back, then I swear to you I would. If there was some way I could make this up to you…” she half pleaded with him.

“You can’t Nicole,” he sighed closing his eyes and thinking about the hell they’d put each other through. “We can’t ever go back again.”

“I know that now,” she fell against him knowing that their time together was about to come to a close. Any progress she had hoped to make with him would be over and done with. They would go back to hurting each other again because he would never forgive her for her foolish actions. She was convinced it would be their final goodbye until he spoke up again.

“We can’t move backwards…” he sighed wrapping his arm around her protectively, “only forward with each other Nicole.”

 

****_And never knowin'_  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do 

****_Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do, ooo  
_

 

“What the hell is taking so long?” Brady shouted up the stairs with a frown. “I swear if you don’t get down here soon, then so help me…”

“Would you relax?” Philip huffed making his way down the winding staircase, “It’s not like they can really afford to start without us.”

“If we don’t get their soon, then I swear they are going to have a search party going. Nicole is going to be furious and…” Brady couldn’t help, but frown.

“I never thought I’d live to see the day when you were so whipped,” Philip couldn’t help, but tease.

“I’m not whipped, but rather I know better than to cross Nicole when she’d made up her mind about something,” Brady nodded to the doorway leading out to the gardens. “After all the work she’d put into this wedding she will kill us both if we aren’t there on time.”

“I’m willing to take my chances,” Philip gave Brady a long look before laughing, “You look like hell.”

“No I don’t,” Brady argued with a hint of laughter in his tone, “but you will be if you don’t get a move on it.”

“Pushy, pushy,” Philip groaned feeling Brady shove him towards the front door, “You know I’m going to have to have a talk with Nicole soon…”

“We’ll work on that later, but first we have a wedding to get to,” Brady noted doing his best to get Philip out to the gardens where the guests were seated awaiting the ceremony.

“Sure you’re ready for this?” Philip questioned with a gulp.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Brady replied rushing Philip to the alter just in time for the music to begin. A few minutes later Nicole walked out from beyond the perfectly manicured gardens carrying an oversized bouquet in hand, but deep down Brady knew she wasn’t fooling anyone.

“You know the last time I saw Nicole she didn’t look so…” Philip whispered leaning in towards Brady’s shoulder.

“Don’t you dare say fat or she will kill you,” Brady warned shooting a glare over at Philip.

“I wasn’t going to say fat, but…” Philip paused giving Nicole another long look, “are you sure she’s not having…twins?”

“Twins,” Brady couldn’t help but laugh, unable to take his eyes off of his very pregnant wife, “wouldn’t that be a treat?”

“You say that now, but I can assure you…” Philip started nervously.

“I’m ready for all the ups and downs that life with Nicole has to offer,” Brady replied proudly, knowing in his heart that sobriety was something he’d come to enjoy after he and Nicole had decided to work together as a team. While they had a few things to sort through after that night at the bar, one thing was for certain. Life was far more interesting between them now that they’d stopped fighting the inevitable in being together.

“What are you two smirking about?” Nicole whispered eyeing them suspiciously as she approached the altar.

“We were just discussing how much better it was that we eloped,” Brady explained unable to resist the urge to reach out and pull his wife into an embrace. “Having you in the sun in that bikini at my disposal was…”

“Um excuse me,” Philip cleared his throat and interrupted, “this is my big day, remember?”

“Hey you left town and behaved like a jerk for a while,” Nicole wrinkled her nose at Philip, “the least you can do is allow Chloe a few moments to make you sweat it out up here before she commits to a life with you.”

“That part I don’t mind, but you and Brady making out at my wedding in front of everyone, well I don’t know if I can stomach that one,” Philip groaned outwardly.

“Yeah, well deal with it because Nicole and I always like to make a spectacle of ourselves,” Brady announced taking Nicole fully into his arms now that it was clear to the both of them that life together would never leave a dull day between them. They might’ve had more fun being sinners instead of saints, but together the world was finally theirs at long last. Neither would have it any other way.

The End

 

**Lyrics to What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts**   



End file.
